Dear Truistas,

I missed the month of March with you all and I have no real excuse. I guess I was mostly feeling uninspired, but now I’m back!

This past Christmas a friend of mine gave me a beautiful botanical puzzle. I looked at it lovingly and thought about the day I would crack it open; having 1000 pieces I couldn’t be sure when that would happen. Maybe I could start it when all the kids are out of the house, maybe on a rainy summer day? Then something miraculous happened. My son’s girlfriend was over and she asked if she could open the puzzle and work on it. “Absolutely”, I enthusiastically replied! Thankfully she completed at least a quarter of it over the next few hours. Now that it was started I was inspired to soldier on. It took me a few weeks to get to it but when I did I couldn’t stop. I pulled at least one all-nighter (and my back) as I toiled over the project at hand. Would this become my life, hunched over a puzzle eschewing all responsibilities? I can be very maniacal.

On one particular night in the wee hours, while listening to WFUV Fordham University’s radio station (highly recommend), I had a revelation or two. Sting was being interviewed and generously sharing all kinds of important wisdom. One thing that stood out to me was his belief that the feminine in all of us (men included) equals water and water is the bridge to the subconscious. As we know, the subconscious is a powerful tool. How wonderful to think of it lovingly guiding us (when programmed properly). How comforting to know it’s our feminine qualities doing the guiding. All that talk plus the excitement of pieces going together on the table got me questioning, what do I want my puzzle, my life, to look like? Is my subconscious aligned with what I’m desiring now so that I may actually see my wishes come to fruition? Some of the things in my subconscious like the pieces of this partially assembled puzzle were already there. Set in motion in utero, things like where I was born and to whom and what kind of family would raise me would shape me and my subconscious without my consent. Some of these things would need to be rooted out, unlearned, in order to let my truth shine. As it turns out my subconscious would require an overhaul by the time I made it to my early thirties. So many things got in there that had no business directing my life. The good news is with vigilance and awareness things can change quite easily. Habits and beliefs that no longer served me were a pleasure to kick to the curb. Once I shined a light on the non-truths I had been taught or conditioned to believe I became freer, a truer version of myself. As a result, my subconscious became a lot nicer and a voice that made sense to me.

When I look back on my journey some of the pieces fit so easily: serendipitous meetings, great relationships, a good job. Some pieces I jammed in, they almost fit, they look like they fit but ultimately they didn’t. In which case I would take that component out of my life and try something else, as I would do in the puzzle. That can be frustrating. You want it to work but eventually, you realize it won’t and if you don’t fix it then it will put the rest of the puzzle (your life) out of whack, just plain off.

I prefer to focus on the pieces that glide right in, the gifts! They fit with ease and give such a sense of accomplishment and encouragement. They make it all worth it. They can take time and patience but they always bring about peace through their presence. It’s effortless, just like life when you go with the flow, when you go with the river instead of against it. Before you know it two big sections of the puzzle come together by inserting just the right piece that connects them! Everything after that gets a little bit easier; it’s coming together, you can see the big picture. Sure you may still try and jam a piece in every once in a while but that becomes less likely. You’ve gained a familiarity with the puzzle; you can see where it’s heading. There are fewer pieces to fit and more sound choices abound. You know the landscape now! Of course in life, we don’t have the advantage of looking at the full picture on the puzzle box for hints but that is where faith comes in. An advantage of the human experience is that, unlike the set puzzle picture, our life picture can change. We can all of a sudden decide to make an entirely new picture for ourselves. The question now is: What do you want your puzzle to look like?

With Love,

Ailsa